“I feel like [in a perfect world], there wouldn’t even be an explanation to it. Here I am, throwing it all out on the table: I’m gay. I like girls. It’s so much easier to be able to represent myself when people understand the way I’m thinking and the way I feel.”
But even if that is how this anonymous junior feels, the fear of facing discrimination is significant enough that Bear Facts is going to identify her as Jane.
High school is a time many teenagers start to find themselves. Especially during this time, lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender/ transsexual, or questioning (LGBTQ) teens can have an especially hard time being accepted by their peers.
According to Jane, the problems are not usually obvious, but more like offhanded or behind-the-back comments. Within the past year, about nine out of ten LGBTQ teens have reported being the victim of bullying because of their sexual orientation at school, according to Bullying Statistic’s website.
“There’s people who have the occasional name calling or staring at you or throwing things at you, but I don’t know where to draw the line between what happens to everyone else versus what happens to me,” Jane said. “It wasn’t the most pleasant thing coming out… The people who were making fun of me were almost pretending I was straight. And that’s just immature.”
Jane came out her to her friends and family during freshman year, and both good things and bad things have happened since, she said. One of the biggest differences for her at school was feeling different than everyone else.
“LZHS is so separate. You have your different cliques. I mean it’s literally like the movie Mean Girls where they go through the scene of all the different cliques and groups in high school. That is my high school,” Jane said. “It is so hard because I know where I fit in and where I don’t. I know who’s going to make fun of me and who’s not. And the second those cheerleaders and popular girls come into the room, it’s a whole different mindset because I know they don’t like me. I don’t have to ask them. I don’t have to talk to them, and I want nothing to do with them because I know the way they see me. I mean, some of them I can have conversation with and be friendly with, but when it comes to the other ones, they can’t even look at me.”
Jane has some homophobic friends, so she worried about their reactions when she first came out of the closet two years ago. She said they had to warm up to it, but are now very supportive. Not all reactions were this positive, though. Students hear anti-gay insults about 25 times a day, and teachers fail to respond to these comments 97 percent of the time, according to the Gay Lesbian Straight Educator’s Network.
“The toughest reaction that I’ve got is from guys who are like, ‘Really?’ Because I didn’t necessarily look like I was gay or portray it. I was just like any other girl. When they found out, it didn’t matter if they were into me or not, they were like, ‘Seriously? You’re too hot to be gay. Just be straight. Every guy will be into you,’” Jane said. “I’d think to myself; it doesn’t work like that. I can’t just make up my mind and be like, ‘Oh no, you’re right. I’m going to be straight today just for you.’”
One of the hardest things Jane had to cope with was knowing how far was too far to reveal herself. She wanted to talk about her feelings towards other girls, but did not want to make her peers uncomfortable.
“It’s just so hard knowing what those boundaries are. I’m not ashamed of who I am, but it’s a weird line knowing when you’re making the people around you uncomfortable and when you need to stop. [Being gay] is not something that’s very accepted yet,” Jane said. “It’s not something you can just put out there, and I want to be able to talk to people about it, but there only a few select people I can actually have a conversation with about it because I worry about a lot not being accepted for it. It’s such a struggle today.”
Jane realizes it can be hard for others to understand her, so she says she tries to explain it in a way they can relate to, which she says usually helps.
“When I’m trying to talk to one of my [female] friends who’s straight and they’ll say, ‘Why are you like that?’ I’ll try to step in their shoes and be like, ‘When I kiss a guy, the way I feel is the same way you would feel if you kiss a girl,’” Jane said. “And it kind of gives them a reality check. Honestly, I’m like, ‘Here it is, take it or leave it, and this is the way it’s going to be and I can’t change it.’”
Erin Davies, a speaker who recently visited LZHS, can relate to how Jane feels. Davies was a victim of a hate crime on the eleventh Day of Silence. The word “fag” was spray-painted on her car. Instead of washing it off, she kept it on and made a documentary while touring the country in her “Fagbug”, learning about even more serious hate crimes. Recently, she visited GSA and discussed the documentry.
“People usually take away the idea that anything negative that happens can turn into something positive. I choose to go to high schools because they are my favorite audiences. If I had something like the fagbug program come to my high school when I was in school, it would’ve changed my life,” Davies said. “It’s important for young people to realize the power they have and to see role models or examples of how to be proud of who you are and positive ways to deal with bullying and have respectful conversations with people of opposing views.”
Even though coming out to her friends and family who have opposing views has not been the easiest experience, Jane is very happy with her choice and encourages others to look at the positives of coming out.
“Even hearing people say the word ‘gay’ still gives me butterflies. Even for me, I’m still getting used to it. I may not be the strongest person ever, but I do stand up for what I feel. That’s me and I’m not ashamed of it,” Jane said. “I don’t have to worry about people making rumors about me being gay, whether I am or I haven’t come out yet, so when people would be like, ‘Oh my God. So-and-so called you a dyke yesterday.’ It’s like, ‘You know what? It’s to the point where I’ve been out for two years and everybody knows. Don’t kid yourself because it’s not a secret anymore.’”